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8 Reasons Why Rotational Dating is A Low Value Strategy (& Man Funnels Too)


Over the last 10 years, rotational dating
theory or circular dating has become the stock standard advice given to women dating men. It goes a little like this….“Date more
men!” “Build your man funnel!” “get more men
in your rotation!” they say. (Just between you and I, doesn’t the term
“man funnel” sound completely dehumanising?) Just to be clear: I’m not here to tell you
what to do. It’s your life and you’re free to make
your own choices. So if you feel like rotational dating is what
you need in your life right now, go for it. I trust you to find your own way. However, I want you to know that in my view,
rotational dating is a low value strategy. There’s nothing wrong with dating more than
one person at once, because sometimes that just happens in a person’s life. However, consciously rotational dating is
something else altogether. There are some serious problems with this
approach to dating. 8 specific problems in fact. By the way, the full blog post is on my website. I’ll make sure to have a link in the description. This video is just a short summary of that
blog post. Ok. Let’s get into the 8 reasons why rotational
dating is low value: Reason number 1) It throws away your natural
power as a woman in favour of distraction. Your real power as a woman is attaching deeper,
and thereby magnifying your emotions so that you can actually genuinely calibrate yourself
to a man. Rotational dating attempts to reduce that
level of attachment by nothing other than distractions; it is a distraction from what
is real and raw. It throws away your intense emotion that you
experience when you start to care for a man in favour of a manufactured, fake detachment
that rotational dating promises to give you. You might feel less intensely and detach more
from any one man – but it comes at a huge price – you won’t have the intense emotion,
depth and attachment that is actually necessary for men to fall in love with you. You see, as a woman, it’s in your natural
bias to emotionally attach deeply, and often before a man does. As a man, it’s his natural bias to spend
less energy focused on committing to you, at least initially. And these two opposing interests are supposed
to be there. If they weren’t, you’d be more like a
man and he’d be more like a woman. And if the biases were not there, then a man
would never fall in love, because your intense vulnerability wouldn’t exist. And the more men you spread your resources
through and rotate through, the less intense your emotion will be to the right man, which
means the less vulnerable you will be, causing them to hang around in your life but never
fall in love with you. You see, your feminine body and responses
are there for a reason. That’s why we as women are naturally so
much more emotionally sensitive than men. It’s not a mistake, it is this way for a
good reason. (It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!) Your REAL power as a woman is your ability
to connect with a man and to inspire emotions in his masculine world. To do that you need to be vulnerable and attuned,
and to be attuned, you can’t rotational date because it takes that power away from
you. When you’re not in touch, when you’re
unable to trust yourself to feel, then it’s easy to become distracted by “junk food”
like circular or rotational dating. It’s easy to get distracted by multiple
average men giving you attention. As a result, you lose depth, emotion, vulnerability,
heart and authenticity. It’s like choosing to have multiple meals
of junk food instead of looking for a hearty and nutritious meal that your body actually
craves. Reason number 2) It’s an over-compensation
of a woman’s need to attach early. Women attach early. It’s normal and biologically necessary for
us. It’s in our interests, because we are the
ones who have to bear, breastfeed and raise babies. There’s nothing wrong with attaching early. It’s our birthright, and we better feel
uncertain, sad, and even hurt when a man we love isn’t reciprocating our level of care
and attachment in the relationship. Rotational dating to avoid feeling and weathering
the uncertainty of a man’s level of investment in you, just makes us less calibrated and
more distracted as women. I can’t stress enough, you have every reason,
every right as a woman to attach early, and it’s in your own biological interests to
do so. On that note, I will be releasing a new guide
titled soon, designed to help you understand your feminine bias of attaching early and
how to use that bias to be high value. Back to the topic. So, of course we MAY risk getting attached
to the first man we have an emotional connection with! That’s not the problem. That is in fact the purpose of having an emotional
connection – attachment! The problem isn’t early attachment, it’s
a lack of attunement! So, is rotational dating the happy middle
ground solution to the issue of a woman attaching early? No it isn’t. Attunement is. Attunement leads to you having the ability
to calibrate, take it slow and be honest about how you feel and how this man makes you feel. That is the happy middle ground. I mean attunement to yourself and to your
own feelings in relation to a man, as well as to where he is at. The more detached and emotionally removed
you are – the less close anyone will feel to you, let alone a man! I don’t care how buddhist, evolved and wonderful
you think it is to be emotionally removed or detached – nobody will be loyal to you
if there’s a sense of superficiality and detachment permeating through your interactions
with men. It’s much like friendships. The more popular someone is, the more friends
or acquaintances they will have, but the less close any of those people will be with them. Early attachment to a man is not the problem. It is secretly feeling unworthy of love inside
yourself that is the problem. That’s the real issue. But attaching earlier than a man does is perfectly
normal and it leads the relationship into a realm of deeper connectedness, because the
woman is forced to feel and be vulnerable. So, knowing this innate vulnerability in women,
would you think the best solution would be to go towards the opposite extreme and over-compensate
for a very natural part of being a woman? The reason I ask is this: to shun a woman’s
pattern of early attachment in favour of rotational dating causes you to run the risk of detaching
yourself TOO MUCH. You will lose the feminine essence that permeates
through your soul as a woman. It is only the one and only type of woman
that will inspire deep and lasting emotional commitment from men. And that leads me to reason number 3… Reason number 3) Rotational dating ensures
that you will show up as the ‘one of many’ type of woman. Rotational dating ensures that you will spread
your eggs over many baskets and therefore be more superficial and detached from ANY
particular man. Here’s the thing: when you show up in the
dating world as the kind of woman who intentionally creates a pool or “funnel” of many men,
then YOU are actively making every MAN you meet and date a “one of many”. Most men will sense this. And that same energy will come back to you. So this means that the men you date, no matter
how high value they are, will be more inclined to unconsciously make YOU a one of many woman
in their life. Because that’s how you’re showing up. It’s reciprocal! Remember, relationship is the domain of the
feminine. We actually subconsciously and consciously
lead a man further into emotional commitment with us through our authentic vulnerabilities! You don’t want to be the one of many if
you can help it. You want to be the one and only. This is why I made my program and dvd “Becoming
his One & Only”. If you want to learn more about the 5 secrets
to have any man fall in love with you and BEG you to be his one and only woman, just
go to www.bhoodvd.com and you never know, you might find that you can get your hands
on “becoming his one and only” for free! Reason number 4) Rotational dating doesn’t
guarantee a mindset of abundance. A woman once said to me: “Renée, I started
a rotation of men because I wanted to feel more abundant. I didn’t want to feel more and more desperate,
feeling like there’s no good men out there for me.” My response was – is a 5 out of 10 quality
of connection with 5 men who are about a 6 or 7 in quality still abundance? Or is it just more of a distraction? What about having abundance through the depth
of investment and connection? Isn’t depth of connection and depth of investment
with one good man worth so much more, and wouldn’t it give you so much more meaning
in your life than connecting with several 5s or 7s? What about the depth of connection you miss
out on with one person when you choose to have a rotation? Would having mediocre attention from 10 men
who are merely “interested” in you matter more than having devotion from one man who
is in love with you? Using rotational dating as a way to not act
from scarcity doesn’t guarantee that you will feel abundant! Here’s an analogy. It’s like playing a game or sport with the
mindset of trying not to lose rather than trying to win. There is a big difference. And as any athlete would tell you, that mindset
is the kiss of death to their career. Reason 5) If you have low relationship value,
having a rotation won’t change that, it will only make it worse. From the perspective of the high value and
commitment-oriented men out there, a woman of low value to men will only look worse when
she tries to raise her value by dating lots of men. Let me explain. If you only have 2 out of 10 overall value,
and you focus on building a rotation, here’s what will happen. When you try to rotational date, you are only
going to attract 1s, 2s, or at best 3s and 4s to date you and be in your rotation. This will only magnify your low value to other
high quality men. However, if you are a 2 or 3 out of 10 as
a woman, but you focus on cultivating actual relationship value for high value men – your
relationship value will increase by a lot. If instead of focusing on high numbers of
men in your rotation, you focused on having the skills to build connection and attraction,
and if you focused on cultivating loyalty, maternal instinct, and compassion within yourself,
you will raise your value in a way you never knew possible. You could go from a 3 to a 7 and even to a
10 easily in the eyes of the right man. So, this is to say that your value and rotational
dating have no relation to each other. If you are a 2 out of 10, you’re not going
to get 8s or 10s falling in love with you or tolerating your rotation, because they
value themselves more than that. Reason 6) Men asking you for exclusivity or
marriage is not the ultimate goal Women, especially women in their 30s and beyond,
often feel like they risk a lot by dating one man. They feel like they don’t want to get attached
to one man, only to have him leave her high and dry one day. So rotational dating until one man so called
“steps up” and asks for exclusivity is a nice kind of safety net, right? Well, no. And here’s why. It’s because exclusivity and engagement
doesn’t always mean what you think it does in a man’s mind. Just because in the feminine mindset, exclusivity
or some kind of official relationship equals value, doesn’t mean it’s actually a good
thing. On the surface, a man asking for exclusivity
seems to mean more security and more resources for a woman. But he could be asking for exclusivity for
himself. Rotational dating as a strategy is effectively
just trying to short-cut the process of falling in love. And it cannot be short-cut. It’s women trying to secure resources and
some kind of security blanket in case they get burned by a man. But this strategy of rotational dating or
quantum dating doesn’t achieve long term security for a woman, because the only true
long term security is if a man is in love with the woman, because if he’s in love
and she is too, then you create an actual pair-bond. That pair bond is more valuable than a relationship
born out of labels, convenience or just the man and woman trying to hoard someone’s
resources because they feel desperate. If you have any understanding of men at all,
you may have figured out that men can ask for exclusivity for many reasons! They sometimes also marry women for many different
reasons! Some of those are very bad reasons. Men could ask for exclusivity because they
want to stop you from taking your resources elsewhere, and not because they are in love
with you! The only thing that has real value is the
pair bond and the emotional connection and emotional attraction. So even if you end up falling into a so called
relationship through circular dating or rotational dating, the quality of the relationship may
be much lower than if you CHOSE to value connection and attraction. Reason 7) If you’re not feeling confident,
rotational dating is not even a solution. If your real issue is that you don’t truly
love yourself or feel confident inside, and need men’s attention on you to “keep your
vibe high”, then go and actually work on that deep feeling of unworthiness, rather
than distracting yourself with rotational dating! Rotational dating can’t fix the internal
problem of unworthiness. Let me ask you this: a lot of women treat
rotational dating as a way to keep their vibe high and to ensure that they feel good about
themselves and so that there’s always a man pursuing them. Well, what happens when you ARE finally exclusive
with a man, and you have this habit of feeling low vibe, unnattractive and unconfident? Are you suddenly going to just start feeling
bad about yourself because you can’t go and date all these other men? When you’re exclusive, you can no longer
multi date, so if you didn’t fix that underlying problem of low confidence or being triggered
easily to feel unworthy, you’ll still have the problem within you when you’re exclusive. Reason 8) Smart men will see through the rotational
dating strategy. Smart men will intuitively look for attunement. Which means they will look for a woman who
is sensitive, nurturing and therefore capable of being ‘at one’ with him and available
for deeply bonding to HIM. If he senses any threat to his long term ability
to trust you, or any deliberate attempt to manipulate the situation and to create distance,
he may leave. Men who are smart, who operate from secure
attachment and who are secure within their own masculinity wouldn’t bother with a woman
who chooses to rotational date in order to ‘weed out low investment men’ and try
to make herself more scarce. Smart men just know intuitively to place value
on a woman’s ability and desire to remain LOYAL. I’ve heard women in our facebook group say
“date more men. The more the better.” Well, there’s a huge price to pay for doing
stuff like this! We’ve already established that for men,
loyalty in a woman matters greatly for whether he sees her as his one and only woman, worthy
of committing to. If you show up with dating multiple men as
your priority from the start, there’s no way a quality man can see you as loyal. With this multi-dating strategy, there is
simply zero care for being loyal. Essentially, in order to protect yourself
from low value men by rotational dating, you also unintentionally write off the smart men
and the truly high value men. So I wanted to leave you with one final question. Rotational dating might (on the surface) serve
your sense of certainty and selfishness. However, do you think that quantum dating,
multi-dating, whatever you call it, makes you a woman of value TO MEN? Really have a think about it. Consider what costs you might incur to your
future dating life if you choose this option. Best of luck out there in this modern dating
world! Also, I’d love to hear from you. What are your views on this topic? How do you feel and what are your experiences
with circular dating or rotational dating?

4 thoughts on “8 Reasons Why Rotational Dating is A Low Value Strategy (& Man Funnels Too)

  1. rotational dating doesnt mean sleeping around. dating doesnt mean sex. dating doesnt mean you are in a relationship already. maybe i just want activity partners.

  2. I dont know if I completely agree with some of the views on funneling. I know this is for women but let me give you the reasoning as why men do it. Because at least for men, it's one of the best things to do to raise your value if done right.

    Funneling is really an economics strategy. You diversify your assets to create a sustainable safety net. For an example, having multiple jobs creates a safety net of income.

    Now this is where the problems you are talking about come in. Having multiple jobs IS NOT THE END GOAL. The end goal is to use that safety net to raise your value in the job market. To raise your pay or secure better jobs. Like you said, working at 5 McDonalds is not exactly "winning." In fact for a lot of men, being the CEO of 5 McDonalds isn't winning either.

    The goal is to "job hop" from different "companies" to find the best fit for both of you. Some men hate staying in "one job" for too long because they get bored or feel trapped eventually. Some men "stay at the same job" because it provides security or because they like the culture. Then there are some men that are the entreprenuers that prefer "the best quality jobs" in the world. Those are the "jobs" that every man dreams of being in. The "Google" and "Facebook" jobs.

    Anyway those are the reasons why funneling, at least for men, actually is one of the best strategies to increase your value. But I 100 percent agree with most of what you said. Especially that funneling wont INHERENTLY solve your emotional issues. That has to be solved on your own.

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