If we were 90’s moms I think we’d be have a whole lot easier, a whole lot better, than this 2000 junk that we have going on. 90’s mom’s had it made! MADE! They didn’t have to worry about any of the s*it we have to worry about now. You know what are some things that a 90’s mom would have never said? I’m sorry, is that all natural? Are there any sugars in that? Hey my car’s running with the kids in it, you think they’re okay? Uh oh! You’ve had too many Doritos. How old are you? What’s your credentials? Ooooh.. Sorry, I can’t leave my kids with anyone. Hey, hold back on those candy cigarettes! We can’t have a processed dinner. Are there nitrates in that? I gotta go do pilates. There’s too much sugar in that beverage! I know the doors are locked, I know there’s a fence, but if I can’t see you and hear you in the backyard then you’re too far. You know what a 90s mom would never say? What’s that? Soda’s just for adults. Stop watching that movie; you’ve had too much time in front of the screen. Aspartame is poison. Actually you can’t go on that play date because I don’t know the mom. You know you can’t play in the front yard because it’s dangerous and you can’t cross the street or walk to school. ‘Cus you know what 90’s mom would say? See you later! A 90’s mom would say, Come home when it’s dark. I’ll be watching my soap operas. Thank you. 90’s moms would never try and think of secret little hacks to make their life easier because your lives were already easy as far as I can see. You are so freaking right! They probably have their own hacks. There should be a book about 90’s mom “hacks”. We turned out pretty good, and you know what? We used to eat bologna sandwiches on white bread and you know what they say now? What? Full of bleach. Yumm. Chemichals are so good. Uhhh, I think this is actually from the 90’s. Why? Is it bad? Try it. You know what a 90’s mom would never have to worry about? A hundred calorie bags. A 90’s mom would never say… Why don’t we throw some chia in that? Gluten-free. You need 60 minutes of exercise every day! No, because we just got kicked outside. A 90’s mom didn’t have to worry about all the allergies before she packed a lunch. A 90’s mom didn’t have to worry about connector about baking or PTA. They just threw like some some Chips Ahoy on the way and and that was good enough. Being a mom was just good enough. Why do we make it so hard on ourselves? Who came up with all these theories on parenting and judgment and and mom shaming? Why!? It’s your call what you feed your kid. If we could go back in time, we would be 90’s moms. Oh my God. The jeans? They made room for the pooch. The shirts covered up everything! And all you needed for a hairdo was a bottle of aerosol hair spray! There was no one on facebook judging you for what you did. There was no on Instagram having better houses than you. The birthday parties were what they were. You went to them… I mean, I think you got a balloon and a cake and a happy birthday, you got a picture on the stairs and you were done. You know, I bet kids didn’t complain in the 90’s. They got everything they wanted. I bet they just were cool kids. I don’t know about you but I grew up in the 90’s and I think I look pretty good and I think I turned out pretty well.